not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
