Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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