Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
