you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
