drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
