Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
