what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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