Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize