Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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