This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
