i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
