turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
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