my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
