dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
