I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
