does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
