Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
