i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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