Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
