I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
