Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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