tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
ttyl tear gas
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize