Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
