He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize