Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
