why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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