If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
