I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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