shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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