moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
