Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
