So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
