He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
