Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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