i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
