my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
