I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
