did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
