i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
