When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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