smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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