420 ftw
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
