M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
