just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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