God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we're making bets on your personal life
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
