Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the condom got lost in my hair
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
