So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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