Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
