i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
