I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
