its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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