why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
