sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
