I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
