That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
