She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
