We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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