Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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