My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
