Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
