We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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