I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think a kid would responsible me up
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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