Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
