Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
