So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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